19 April, 2011

Hiatus! no more & B.C.

Well, I am back (if that's a good thing or not?) and with my return I unveil from my "The Dim Light" collection "B.C." For those who read my poetry you know sometimes I'm "out there", but this one is waaaay "out there". With this poem...I wouldn't have it any other way. I hope you enjoy, God bless.

Seven restless nights

Night I

I get scared and nervous at night because
I don’t feel that I deserve to live through
another day. Where can a man rest when
there’s no place where he can hide? Why am I
scared to live and scared of life…petrified?
Each day my grip on life gets looser and
my alibi’s can provide alibis.
With only greedy incentives, I use
life, I’m a user and I fear that I’ll
be taken in my sleep or worse…right now!

Night II

A heathen inside a dark outer shell trapped within,
I can’t break free, so lonely.
Riding perils of infamy my brood
harks and hatches Corvus, constituting
a loyal companionship. We’re both deemed
annoying when we crow…nuisances we
are, as I contemplate living in a
tiny burrow underneath the world of
debate, hate, skeptical thoughts and self-made
beliefs. My solitude is convicting.

Night III

Paranoia or intuition? All
my vagrant memories have derived from
dreaded occurrences, reminding me
and showing me on a short play list. There’s
no capable way to extinguish the
steady and ever ready circular
motions of gray. Spite is shadowed in spite-
filled light carrying a vision it has
salvaged from one of my past failures. A
grave mistake leaves many tribulations.

Night IV

Should someone be afraid to go to sleep;
watching the minutes and hours fade as you
fall deeper from deep? Every night I think
death will indict the fraud and I’m worried
If I awake, everyday was wasted
without a worthy sake. I grow narrow
and complacent stranded in seclusion.
Reprimanding arrows of explicit
words cynics can elicit. Is it a
guilty conscience or multiple warnings?

Night V

My notoriety has lied to me
so sleeps necessity means less to me.
It feels like there’s no air in here to breathe,
but these words deceive…staying awake, is
that my relief? If this darkness swallows
me hole, would anybody know? Solace
dotes on the malaise of slow. The clamor
assaults my grammar and it’s disruptive
flow. The criticism is crisp as are
my vexed and interwoven emotions.

Night VI

My life’s a worthless circus maintained by
bombarding visions of my frightening
inabilities to excel, succeed,
propel and not depend or need. If you
look how you feel, then I’m a heel with a
damaged seal. When I’m awake I have mild
control over myself, when I’m not, I’m
a lonely soul with no such control. I
fear the darkness and the way it consumes.
It’s apparent that I’m incoherent.

Night VII

I can hardly breathe, my heart feels like it
skips a beat and annuls the will to live.
The paranoia is keeping me up
entangled and intertwined inside my
mind…restless. At this hour I frolic with
the dead and excavate all the tired words
I’ve misled. Possessed uncontrollably
possessed enclosed even with closed ears in
protest. An unstoppable assailant
defiling my thoughts precise and reckless.

Day 1

Before the Lord took control of my life
I was a lost soul rummaging around.
Praise goes to thy savior who praises us
and when I go to sleep, I’m safe and sound.

Don’t be conquered by evil,
but conquer evil with good.

I no longer fear closing my eyelids
and being uneasy in bed at night.
God is in me now stronger than ever,
his love’s in my heart and I’m in his light.